I ONLY FONDLED, I DIDN'T ENTER

Growing up in a Christian home, I understood the consequences of pre-marital sex. Several times, I had been told it was a great offence to God - probably the greatest. I remember the countless times the Street Evangelists from across my home would emphasise God's dislike for it. I realized how serious an issue it was back then. I told myself I would rather not fall into this 'great sin'. I avoided any form of intimacy with the opposite sex.

By 20, I knew I would make the mark! If I had stayed so 'pure' all these years, why can I not do same for the next 5 to 10years when I finally meet my Beloved☺. I remember the several times I would boast to people how I had been able to keep myself 'intact' all the years. I recounted the several times I had to flee from the ladies who tried to get me to lay with them. Those were the times other young people were told to look up to me as an example to follow. On several platforms, I would tell my 'chaste' story and receive applause.

At 25, people still wondered how I could stay with my Beloved for almost 2years and still be a Virgin. Countless times, I remember saying it was self-discipline. I told them how I had made a promise to myself some years ago to remain a Virgin till marriage. "This is a Joseph of our days", they probably thought. In a short while, without a wife, I think I had the most Sons any Father could ever have. I was a big example to the youth!

But was I really a Virgin?! (This question hit me hard one day when I was preparing a message to minister at a Youth Meeting in one big church). Oh Yes I was, I answered to myself with a smile😊. I heard a small voice tell me, ''You are not a Virgin, do not be deceived''. I decided to rebuke the Devil for penetrating my thoughts. How could he think I was not a Virgin when he even knew I had never really known any woman - ei sorry- never had SEX with any woman. Did I just say that?😳🙄

I suddenly reached out for the Dictionary App on my phone to check the meaning of a Virgin once again. And yes, I passed! Right there it was! - 'Someone who has never had sexual intercourse'. But this small voice would not let me be. He insisted I was not. He asked that I read ALL that the Dictionary said aloud! Oh, what a lost battle he is calling for, I thought to myself. Then I read aloud, A Virgin is a person who has never had sexual intercourse, or sometimes, ONE WHO HAS NEVER ENGAGED IN ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY AT ALL (Oxford English Dictionary).

Ah, but who just added those last words, I fumed. I had never really seen those ones. I thought for a while and said to myself, "oh even with that, I am still a Virgin". Then came the small voice again, "Are you sure you are?" he asked. Who is this person trying to challenge my chastity? I began to feel impatient. He asked, "Have you not engaged in any sexual activity?" Without thinking, I responded "Oh yes I have not". Then he asked again, "Even with Afia?".  Afia? Who is Afia? I thought hard. Afia was a lady from Junior High School. She was very pretty and probably the most talked about lady back then. She had turned down all the guys who had approached her but for some reasons she felt really comfortable around me. After our last BECE paper, I could not watch her go. We had talked about how we both were going to miss each other's company after school. I had only asked her to meet me in one of the classrooms so we could pray over the papers we had written. Before I could say the last Amen, I suddenly felt her palms were warmer than I had noticed the days before. I thought a hug would not be a bad idea- after all, I am probably not going to see her again.

Just before I could take my hands off her, I felt something soft touch my chest. Feeling naive, I tried to see what it was but our eyes met. I suddenly realised how beautiful Afia was. Before I could avoid her eyes, I felt something soft on my lips that I seemed to be enjoying. We were already kissing. Had it not been the screeching sound of our headmaster's old car, we would probably have had an hour of great memories. And yes, that was just that! It was ONLY a 10-min kiss with Afia some 12years ago. Though I never really regretted it, did it really matter now? I questioned the small voice.

Without answering, he asked again, "What of Abena?". Abena? You mean my Beloved Abena? What about her? I wondered. Who else did not know I had known Abena for almost 3years now. Oh! We've already been booked for the counseling session in my Church - we are actually getting married soon. What again was there to say about her?🤔 Then I remembered that day in her room after one of my Ministrations. "Oh but we ONLY fondled, we did not have Sex".

Instantly, the scene began to replay before my eyes like a recorded movie from a cinema. At a point (like a paused movie), I gaped at the extreme I had gone. The only thing I did not do was 'to enter'. I remembered I even had to change into new trousers because I had 'cummed'. Oops! Shamelessly, I felt it was pleasurable. Once I did not 'enter', there was no proof of sexual immorality. I felt vindicated. So all the 'erhmmm' several times it had happened, 'I had ONLY fondled her, but not entered'. If I had not slept with her yet, was I not still a Virgin?

Several scriptures suddenly started running through my mind. From 'flee sexual immorality' to 'your body is the temple of the Most High', my mind began to explode with guilt. I know I would not just watch someone urinate even at a spot around our new Church Auditorium. I surely would not take it cool with such a person. That would only be around the auditorium and not inside it but would it not still matter to me? Such is how God also protects His temple. He does not wait for it to be ruined on the inside. He protects it even on the outside. You do not have 'to enter' to constitute sexual immorality. The thought to even initiate it is equally sinful. All our actions are borne out of our thoughts. That is why the Good Book says, ''as a man thinks in his heart, so is he''.

I could not lift my eyes any longer as though the voice that spoke to me stood right before me. I was ashamed of myself😔. While I tried hard to put myself right before men, I forgot that God had standards - standards He would not compromise for anything. There I sat trying to imagine the number of people I had deceived with my self-righteousness and yet my sins lay bare before me like cocoa seeds left to dry. The voice spoke again. I heard it louder but clearer this time. The mere sound from 'Him' was enough the send chills down my spine. I wondered what next 'He' had to say or who next 'He' was about to mention. Just before I missed a heartbeat, I realized the voice was calmer this time. Though I could hear everything clearer now than before, the calmness of the voice broke my spirit. I did not need a conviction that this was God trying to speak to me. His Spirit was right before me telling me how I had relied on myself and relegated Him to the background. He mentioned the several times He had tried to get my attention and yet I had been too busy with other things. He had yearned to direct me but I felt I knew it all. I could hear him sob and fear suddenly gripped me. I had grieved the Spirit of God! I saw tears roll down my cheeks. I burst out yet not a single word came out of my mouth. I feared that was my end. Deep down in my heart, I pleaded for a second chance. "You have not even missed the first", he said. "You only need to invite me once again". I did not need to rethink. I surely was not going to let this opportunity pass. ''Please stay with me'', that is all I heard myself say. I have never spoken with such sincerity before - not even when I told Abena she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I suddenly felt this heat that gave my body warmth. It was the best feeling I had ever experienced.

When I came back to my 'senses', I realized it was not a dream or an imagination. My notebook and pen laid before me like they had before 'the encounter'. I wrote everything I had experienced down and rushed for the meeting. As I spoke at that Youth Meeting, I felt some satisfaction I had never experienced. The whole room was not the usual 'Yeahs and Wows' but there was something special about the silence - the attention of the audience and awedness that filled the auditorium that day was spectacular. Before the closing prayer, I saw people on their knees and on the floor. There was a great cry and many were saved that day - broken relationships were mended, lonely people felt they had company and the weak felt strong again. There was heaven on earth! It was a life-transforming moment. I could not wish for a better experience.

God has given Himself to us. As a Gentleman, He awaits our call to lead our lives. He does not come uninvited though He desires that all men be saved. There is that small voice calling out to you. You do not have to be a robber, a prostitute or a murder. Just come to Him just the same as you are. It is not okay to just 'fondle or be fondled', God is interested in a clean temple.

Trust not in your abilities, neither should you lean on your understanding. The Spirit calls out to you NOW! He who has an ear, let him hear.

Oheneba Kwadwo Aduse Poku Nimako Jnr kwadusepoku@yahoo.com
0545029466